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David Sedaris
Number One
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Every day we're told we live in the greatest country on earth
and it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born
between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure
60 x 80 inches, and America is the greatest country on earth.
Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that
other countries have nationalistic slogans too, none of which are
"We're number two!"

(from "Me Talk Pretty One Day")
 

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