My dad says I must go to schul,
Though I think it profoundly un-cool.
I don?t want to go,
Rosh-Hashanah or no,
But at least there?s a day off from school.
Since I am an American Jew,
I say ?God bless the red white and blue.?
I?ve no need to atone,
Kill two birds with one stone:
Minus red, it covers Israel, too.
If but one fewer latke I?d taken
My stomach would not now be achin?.
I?ve got kasha varnishkes
Coming out of my kishkes,
But what I?d do for just one slab of bacon!
When my friends all put up Christmas lights,
I feel like my religion bites.
But I know there?s one plus:
I?ll not put up a fuss,
For at least I get seven more nights.
My ethnicity nobody knows,
So I often am asked to disclose.
When asked if I?m a Jew,
I reply, ?Why don?t you
Take a look at the length of my nose!?
Conspiracy theorists delight
To accuse us of horrible spite.
From the U.N. to banking,
No crime?s not of our making.
As a Jew, I want in, it?s my right!